When reporters were interviewing a 104-year-old woman, one of them asked, “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?”
She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
I’ve certainly gotten old!
I’ve had two new knees, fought diabetes and I’m half blind.
Can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take four different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, and can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 75 or 82.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on the class was over!
• My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
• Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
• It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
• These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says: “For fast relief.”
The old-timer’s prayer
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
It’s all relative
I think this has happened to all of us. Occasionally, you look at others your own age and think, “Surely I can't look that old.”
Well, you'll love this one about Alice, who says: “I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply-lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended my high school.
“Yes, I did,” he replied.
“When did you graduate?” I asked.
He answered, “In 1975, why do you ask?”
“You were in my class!” I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. And then, that old, bald, wrinkled-faced, gray-haired man said, “What did you teach?”
It’s a new age
See if you can relate to these observations from a senior:
“The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store.
“The GPS looks pretty fancy on my dash board, but the lady inside is the most annoying, rudest person I have ever run into. Every 10 minutes, she sarcastically says, ‘Re-calc-ul-ating.’ You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me.
“When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and I notice she is starting to develop the same tone as the GPS lady!”