Putting around the golf green


Here’s a few laughs from the fairway:
• Golf balls are like eggs, since they’re white, they’re sold by the dozen and a week later you have to buy more.
• A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a PGA pro to buy anything in there.
• It’s amazing how a golfer, who never helps out around the house, will replace his divots, repair his ball marks and rake his sand traps.
• Did you ever notice that it’s a lot easier to get up at 6 a.m. to play golf than at 10 a.m. to mow the lawn?
•  In golf, it sometimes seems as though your cup runneth and moveth over.
• A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
• A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked an interesting question. “Is the word spelled  p-u-t or p-u-t-t?”she asked the instructor. 
“P-u-t-t  is correct,” he replied. “Put  means to place a thing where you want it.  Putt means a vain attempt to do the same thing."
• Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday, because you always end up praying a lot.
• A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you.
• That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on yard work.
• If there’s a storm with lightning rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.
• If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.
• The most egotistical of all golf hustlers was approached by a man wearing dark glasses who offered to play him for $100 a hole.
“I can’t play you,” said the arrogant golfer. “You’re blind, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am,” replied the man. “But that’s all right. I was an amateur champion before I lost my sight and I’m quite sure that I can easily beat you.”  
The golf hustler couldn’t turn down a sure thing. If the guy was crazy enough to insist, well, why not?  
“Okay, it's a deal,” he said.  “When do you want to play?” 
The blind man replied, “I’ll meet you here at midnight.”
• “One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.” — bowler Don Carter
• “I once gave a lesson to someone who said he wanted to get more distance. His swing was awful, so I told him to hit the ball and then run backwards!” — Ken Venturi
• “You can make a lot of money in this game, just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands have to work.” — Lee Trevino