Christmas riddles for the kids:
• Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can hoe, hoe, hoe.
• What kind of cereal do snowmen eat?
• How do sheep in Mexico say, “Merry Christmas?”
• What do you get if Santa goes down a chimney that has a fire in the bottom?
• What do you call people that are afraid of Santa?
• What did the snowman say as he was melting?
“It was ice knowing you.”
• Why are Santa's elves depressed?
Because they have low elf-esteem.
A long Christmas pun
A long time ago in Russia, there was a famous weatherman named Rudolphe. He always had a 100-per-cent accuracy rate for his forecasts of Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly good at predicting rain.
One night, despite clear skies, he made the prediction on the 6 o’clock news that a violent storm was approaching. It would flood the town in which he and his wife lived. He warned the people to prepare for the worst.
After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met him at the door and started arguing with him, She said his weather prediction was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. This time, she claimed, he had made a terrible mistake.
There wasn’t a cloud anywhere within 10 kilometres of the village. As a matter of fact, it was the most beautiful day that the town had ever had, and it was quite obvious to everyone that it simply wasn’t going to rain.
He told her to be quiet and listen to him. If he said it was going to rain, it was going to rain! He had all his Russian heritage behind him and knew what he was talking about. She argued that, although he came from a proud heritage, it still wasn’t going to rain. They argued back and forth for hours, before going to bed.
Sure enough, during the night, one of the worst rainstorms ever hit the village. That morning, when Rudolphe and his wife arose, they looked out the window and saw that a rainstorm had occurred.
“See,” said Rudolphe, “I told you it was going to rain.”
His wife was amazed. “Once again your prediction came true! But I was sure you’d be wrong.”
To which he replied, “Well, you can always be sure that Rudolphe the Red knows rain, dear.”
Carols for the psychiatrically-challenged:
• Multiple personality disorder: We Three Kings Disoriented Are.
• Amnesia: I Don’t know If I’ll be Home For Christmas.
• Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angels Sing — About Me.
• Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...
• Paranoid: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
• Agoraphobia: I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, But Wouldn't Leave My House.
• Obsessive compulsive: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...