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Some severe cases of confusion
May 22, 2014
In the heat of the moment, we often say the most ridiculous things. If you’re angry, nervous, excited, upset, inebriated, or just temporarily empty-headed,  the thoughts get jumbled coming out of your brain, and then get totally de-railed as they emerge from your  mouth or get scrawled onto paper.  It happens to all of us from time to time, but some people suffer from a more severe case of confusion than others.
Letters received by the government:
• “Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children, one of which is a mistake as you will see.”
• “I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why this is?”
• “I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is now dead.”
• “In  answer to your letter and according to instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.”
• “I have no children as my husband is a bus driver and works day and night.”
Letters received at school:
• “Chris will not be in school today because he has an acre in his side.”
• “Jimmy did not do his homework because I did not understand it.”
• “Bridget was not at school yesterday because she was nauseating.”
• “My son is under the doctor’s care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.”
• “Tommy was hurt yesterday playing football. He was kicked in the growing part.”
• “Please excuse Diane from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.”
• “Barbara was not at school yesterday because her mother was having a baby. It is not likely she will be missing school again for the same reason.”
• “Cindy cannot have gym. She fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.”
Letters received by car insurance companies:
• “My car turned sharper than was necessary owing to an invisible truck.”
• “I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been knocked over before.”
• “I consider that neither vehicle was to blame, but if either was to blame, it was the other one."
• “My vehicle was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”
• “I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.”
• “I told the other idiot exactly what he was and drove on.”
• “I had to leave my car for a minute, when, by accident or design, it decided to run away.”
• “A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that it was half-witted.”
• “I collided with a stationary tree.”
• “I ran into a shop window and sustained injuries to my wife’s legs.”
• “To avoid a collision, I ran into the other car.”
• “One wheel went into the ditch. My feet jumped from the brake to the accelerator, leapt across the road and jumped into the trunk of a tree.”
• “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.”
• “I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.”