A Supervisor’s Prayer
Dear Lord, please help me:
To accept human beings as they are
— not yearn for perfect creatures;
To recognize ability, and encourage it;
To understand shortcomings, and
make allowances for them;
To work patiently for improvement,
and not expect too much, too soon;
To appreciate what people do right —
not just criticize what they do wrong;
To be slow to anger and hard to dis-
To have the hide of an elephant and
the patience of Job;
In short, Lord, please help me be a
Instant inspiration (sort of)
• Henry Ford said: “Failure is merely the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently.”
• The five stages of a project:
4. Search for the guilty party
5. Punishment for the innocent
• A crafty old veteran advises: “The unspoken word cannot do you in. What you do not say does not have to be explained.”
• Business work habits tips: “Write down everything you want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it was you wrote down, you can spend the time looking for the paper you wrote it down on.”
What job performance reports
There’s a certain style and language being applied to evaluating employees in today’s business environment. What is said or written is not necessarily what is meant. This is indicative of the trend toward not committing yourself, not getting blamed and not rocking the boat.
But if the performance description says one thing and means another, how does anyone really know where they stand. As a public service and with tongue-in-cheek, here’s a handy little translation of what these reports really mean:
• If the job performance report says, “average,” that really means, “not too bright.”
• “Exceptionally well qualified,” really means that an individual has, so far, committed no major blunders.
• “Active socially,” really means the worker has a drinking problem
• “Character above reproach,” really means the worker is one step ahead of the law.
• “Unlimited potential,” really means the worker will stick until retirement.
• “Quick thinking,” really means the worker comes up with plausible excuses for errors.
• “Takes pride in his work,” really means an individual is conceited.
• “Forceful and aggressive,” really means an individual is argumentative.
• “Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress,” really means the worker buys drinks for his superiors.
• “Indifferent to instruction,” really means an individual knows more than his superiors.
• “Stern disciplinarian,” really means an individual is a creep.
• “Approaches difficult problems with logic,” really means the worker finds someone else to do the job.
• “A keen analyst,” really means an individual is thoroughly confused.
• “Not a ‘desk’ man,” really means he didn't go to university.
• “Spends extra time on the job,” really means the worker has a miserable home life.
• “Tactful in dealing with superiors,” really means the worker knows when to keep his mouth shut.
• “Expresses himself well,” really means an individual speaks English.
• “Conscientious and careful,” really means the worker is scared.
• “Demonstrates qualities of leadership,” really means an individual has a loud voice.
• “Judgment is usually sound,” realy means a worker has been lucky.
• “Keen sense of humour,” really means an individual has an extensive collection of dirty jokes.
• “Maintains professional attitude,” really means the worker is a snob.
• “Gets along well with co-workers and superiors,” really means the worker is a coward.
“Strong adherence to principles,” really means an individual is stubborn.
Come to think of it, these performance descriptions are closely related to the various qualities described in help-wanted ads and job resumés, both of which also have a tendency to be questionable at best and bogus at worst.
For example, it seems that every job advertised today requires: “A hardworking self-starter with outstanding verbal and written communication skills who possesses a creative mind and works well in a fast-paced competitive market situation, which is in constant flux requiring mental and physical agility and a dedicated working philosophy commensurate, with a salary reflecting educational and working experience based on several years experience in this or related fields.”
This help-wanted ad will receive 50 responses and each response will include a resumé which will read exactly the same as the ad. The only problem is that no one understands what the job is and no one can figure out who should be hired. Who said life would be simple?