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Wonderful world of whimsy
Aug 15, 2013

 

Maybe you’re having one of those days. From the moment you dragged yourself out of bed, everything went wrong. No fun, eh?
Like the old adage says, “Some days are diamonds — some days are mud.”
Maybe we can extract you from the mud and lighten your stress load with a couple of chuckles, such as:
• Insight of a music critic — “Even if heavy-metal rock music died today, it would probably take about five years for the sound to fade away.”
• Definition of misery — A successful businessman with four nephews and three nieces, but only  one  part-time job available in his company.
• Deep semantic  thought — If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the others have to drown,  too?
• The Law of the Workplace — Nothing is ever done about a problem until nothing is done about the problem. To clarify, consider:
a. Lower-level  managers can never get the workforce they need for the job.  They will continue to slog along with over-time, stress, ulcers and exceptional extra effort. Then, when enough people  finally quit from frustration and  the job is  not completed, only then will upper-level management approve the hiring  of the necessary people.
b. The above clarification also applies perfectly to salaries.
• Today’s vicious rumour — Humpty-dumpty was a fall guy.
• Harry and Charlie are griping about the uphill battle of life, generally, and Charlie sums it all up by observing, “You know, every time I find out  ‘where it’s at,’   they move it.”
• Medical insight — Pills that are to be taken singly always come out of the bottle in twos. If they’re to be taken in twos,  they come out in threes, etc.
• Human nature — Tell someone that there are 400 billion stars in the Universe and he’ll believe you. But tell him that there’s wet paint on that bench, then he’ll have to touch it to make sure.
• You  are  your dog — It’s uncanny how closely intertwined you are with your dog.  For example, if your dog is fat  that means that you are not getting enough exercise.
• Panhandlers are a major cause of self-doubt. It annoys you to give them money and it also annoys you not to.
• Life is like a banana —  You start out green and then with age, you end up soft  and mushy. Sometimes you want to be in a bunch, and sometimes  you’d like to be  top  banana. As you wander through life, you must be careful not to slip and lose your balance. And, as is often the case, you must strip off the outer coating of life to get to the real  meat. 
• An old sage said: “Retirement can be a joy if you can figure out how to spend your time without having to spend your money.”
• It’s a sad commentary on the world today to realize that the final test of fame is to have a crazy person think that they are actually you.
• Heredity — That’s what makes the mother and father of teenagers wonder a little about each other.
• Everyone can serve some useful purpose. For example, a miser may not be very nice, but makes a wonderful ancestor.
•  It was a man of sarcasm who said: “A welfare state is one that assumes responsibility for the health, happiness and general well-being of all its citizens, except the taxpayer.”
• Education is what a person gets if they read the fine print. Experience is what they get if they don’t.