Maybe you’re a little stressed out, bored, upset, downcast, frazzled, annoyed, irritated, unhappy, irked or otherwise perturbed.
Perhaps this little whimsical interlude will raise your spirits.
We hear a lot of bad medical news day in and day out, but occasionally there’s good news, such as when your doctor puts you on a diet that eliminates eating certain foods that you didn’t like anyway. Bonus!
Pet Corner poem:
Dogs are so faithful,
Cats are so droll.
Have you considered a goldfish?
They stay in their bowl.
Don’t pay money to trace your ancestry. Simply enter politics and your opponents will do it for you free.
The logic of kids:
• A youngster had been complaining about his eyes so his mother took him to the optometrist who did the usual “letters on the screen” vision test. After identifying several letters, the youngster impatiently said: “You know, I already know the alphabet. I came here to get my eyes examined.”
• A little girl was showing her friends through her house. “This is my room," she said. "And this is my brother's room.”
“And this," she said, opening the bathroom door and pointing to the scales, “is where my mother measures her feet.”
• A 10 year old who was asked to write a paper on Dental Care came up with these three rules:
1. See your dentist twice a year.
2. Brush after every meal.
3. Watch out for shovers at the drinking fountain.
Things to ponder:
• Why are there are interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?
• If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?
• Why can’t they make an entire airplane out of the stuff that they use to make the indestructible “black box?”
• Why is it that when you’re stranded, the shortest distance to help is always in the opposite direction to which you are walking?
• Learn to tighten your belt because the economy is going to scare the pants off you.
• The Bible contains much that is relevant today, such as Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park.
• You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.
• The inventor of the eraser had the human race pretty well sized up.
• There’s one thing wrong with a watch that’s waterproof, shockproof, antimagnetic and guaranteed: you can still lose it.
The three incomplete laws of life:
1. All’s well that ends.
2. A penny saved is a penny.
3. Don’t leave things unfinishe ...
Harry and Charlie:
Harry and Charlie are in a bar quaffing a few beakers of their favourite beverage — which is not apple juice — and Charlie says, “You know, I lived through the sexual revolution and never even got wounded!”
Harry changes the subject — as he always does — and says: “Well, I’m more concerned about money. In fact, I drink to forget the price of what I’m drinking.”
Charlie: “Have you ever noticed that, in a crowd, the person directly behind you always has the loudest voice?”
Harry: “That’s true. And people with loud voices never have anything interesting to say.”
Harry: “I have this theory that when the government promises us something, you can bet that it’s going to take it from us first.”
Charlie: “Yeah, that’s probably true. In fact, every few years I like to go to Ottawa for a visit just to see the people I’m working for and to be near my money.”